Photo by James Lee on Unsplash
We were talking the other evening about how we tend to “take work home”, where whilst at home, we are still thinking about work, thinking about tomorrow, and missing the family moments, which are more important. This is something that has been and is happening to me. I know it is not a healthy thing for me both mentaly and emotionally. And so I sought God about this particular issue.
Why do I tend to take work with me home. Why can I not just forget about it? Why is work taking so much more of my attention than it should? I guess I was asking the same equation but in different ways. Just trying to find an entry point really from where I could start unravelling the issue and hence the root cause.
As I was praying about it, I got the understanding that the problem stems from me trying to please man. What do I mean? I was trying to upkeep some very high opinions of me at work. I was trying very hard to impress my managers and my coworkers, to the point that it was affecting other areas in my life. This can be negative even for the physical well being of a person.
The question in my head then was why? Why am I doing this. Why am I putting myself under such pressure to perform at the expense of my emotional and physical wellbeing? And I am not the only one doing this. I personally know other people that are going through the same thing. It is such a common issue in today’s society, only made worse by the competitive environments in today’s corporate cultures.
The answer to that, for me, was the striving to please man. Pleasing man is a big problem today, probably just as big as it ever has been. People try to impress. They try to make sure they are accepted. They want to be accepted, included, praised by others. People would go to extraordinary lengths sometimes just to receive praises from other people and make sure that they are pleased. Sometimes, it is even people we don’t know, we don’t agree with, or we don’t approve of. It is an interesting and yet strange phenomena.
So my question then changed. I started asking, why am I trying so hard to please man. Why am I trying so hard to please my managers, my colleagues, and people around me in everyday life? Why would I jeopardise my emotional and physical well being, just so that the people around me would be pleased with me and praise me? It seems such a futile endeavour. It most certainly has no eternal value. People that praise you today, will turn round and forget you tomorrow. It really is a costly, and yet fruitless exercise. And yet we do that.
I got the understanding that pleasing man is the same as fearing man. We try to please man because we are afraid of man’s disapproval. We don’t like criticism, we don’t like not being accepted, or discredited. It is a survival instinct rooted in our insecurities. You see, when we abide in God’s love, then we are secure. When we are secure in God, then we do not feel inferior to anybody else.
Insecurity and inferiority are two roots that yield all sorts of bad fruit in our lives. We steal, lie, take, fight, and even work ourselves silly, because we want to be secure. That is why when we get a new job, we work very hard and set a very high standard so that we are accepted and praised. Through that we are trying to manage people’s expectations. We then set a very high initial standard, and then the rest of the time we try to maintain it. It is very hard to maintain a very high standard, and inevitably we become very tired. We have set a very high opinion about ourselves, and then we struggle to maintain it. We then end up thinking about work all the time.
The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the LORD shall be safe. (Proverbs 29:25)
The fear of man gets us in a trap of performance that we cannot then get out of. It traps us in through fear. Fear of what they will think, of what they will say, of what they will do. And the worst thing about it is that we are the ones that actually put in place this prison for ourselves. When we fear man, we will initiate patterns in our lives which are not healthy and then we will get trapped in those patterns and keep going in circles. That is the snare that the fear of man brings.
Instead, we should fear God. Whom you fear, you will always try to please. That is why people sometimes make decisions that are unexplainable, and which do not reflect who they are as people, because fear is irrational. And very often isn't fear of a physical assault, but fear of assaults on our reputation. We try to guard our reputation, or people’s opinion of us at very high costs.
Only God’s reputation matters. People forget. People change. But God does not forget. God never changes. I was asking myself, “how do I please God more?”. The answer is simple, fear God more. The more we fear God, the more we will try to please Him. God will never put snares around us. He is good!
And when we talk about fearing God, I am not talking about running and hiding from Him in terror. That is not a healthy fear of God. When we try to please people, we do not run and hide from them. Instead we are in their faces trying to find out what else we can do for them. In the same way, if we have a healthy fear of God, we will always get before His face and seek to know what else we can do to please Him. Ignoring God and then just praying for 5 minutes once a day is not really a healthy fear of God, and it most certainly will not lead to much praise from Him.
Let me make myself clear. We are not trying to please God so that He accepts us. In Christ we are 100% accepted because of what Jesus did on the cross. We are completely accepted and loved. We cannot do anything that would make God love us more or accept us more, if we be in Christ, if we are believers and followers of Jesus. Trying to please God will only improve our union with Him and will free us from the fear of man. This is not about earning anything. This is about getting closer to God and walking in a greater freedom.
So, let's fear God instead of man. Let's try to please Him. And then let’s enjoy His praises that will come from that. One thing is for sure, there is no one who praises like God praises. Let's experience His pleasure in us. What you sow is what you reap. So let's sow in God’s pleasure, and reap His praises.
Well done, good and faithful servant! (Matthew 25:21)